Spirit Conjuration

People have been asking, so here's an example of a Jewish conjuration:

Eloah Elyon, You who predate the beginning and extend past the end of days, Unbegotten and Never-Ending, Unlimited and Impossible, Eternal and Omnipotent, You who moment by moment create the universe, HaMakom Olam, coextensive and transcendent,  Eheh Asher Eheh, whose Name is Being itself, Father of the Forever, Mother of the Ten Thousand Things,  Adonai Tzavaot, Elohai ha Elohim:

I beseech You to send Ophiel, Olympic spirit of Mercury to me. Let him instruct me and counsel me, providing to me all that I ask of him.   Let him appear in my mirror, speaking clearly to me, answering my questions, and granting me those favors that I ask.  

I ask only what is mine by right, by ancient covenant. I am Sara, inheritor of the line of Sarah, daughter of the house of Jacob, created in Your image.  You make me but little lower than yourself. You crown me with glory and honor. You give me dominion over all Your works.  All things are under my feet.  With all your authority do I now call: Ophiel attend to me!

The Baal Shem Tov's Sleight of Hand

There is a story that says a depressed tailor came to the Baal Shem Tov and asked him how to understand the place of man in the world.  The Baal Shem Tov gave him a giant hug, said that life was beautiful and that we were meant to enjoy.  He then said that at dawn the next morning, before he even said his morning prayers, the man should check his coat pockets for an guidance. Now, the hug of the Holy Besht was a very good thing indeed, and the man went home happy.  But, as the sun set, and he went to bed alone in his cold empty house, his sadness returned.

Upon awakening, the tailor thought that the Baal Shem Tov was just a ridiculous old man.  After all, he had gone to him with a real problem, and all he had gotten was a hug!  He put on his coat, and started heading toward the Besht's house.  It was cold, and so he stuck his hands in his pockets.  In the man's right hand pocket, he found a scrap of paper, and on it was written "Compared to the Holy ONE, you are tiny mote of dust, floating in a mostly empty universe.  To the HOLY ONE, your life passes in an instant, almost before you are alive, you are dead again."

This made the man sad and angry, but in his left pocket, he found another scrap of paper.  This one said, "The Holy ONE created the entire universe, infinite space, eternal time, all for you.  You are its center, and it relies on your holy spark to continue being created."  Upon reading this, the man was satisfied, and he went back home again.  At home, he took the two pieces of paper, and read one and then the other, the second and then the first, over and over again.  He could not understand why he had been told these two seemingly incompatible things.  Eventually, he sighed, and he said in exasperation "Who needs all this hooey?  Infinity, Nothingness, it's all the same thing!  I know who I am, and only I can find my path through the world!" and at that moment, the tailor achieved enlightenment.

Soon thereafter, taking his own advice, knowing who he was, making his own path through the world, the man began to sew the most beautiful clothes he could imagine.  They were not only beautiful, but very functional, ideally suited to their every purpose.  The man's business became quite successful, and he married a beautiful fat widow who brought her three lovely children to his home.  He was happy, content in himself and his life.  Soon thereafter, the man once again met the Master of the Good Name on the street.  The Besht could see his new happiness, and asked what he had learned.  The man told him, "Why do you always spout all that claptrap about good and evil, meaning and unmeaning?  All that matters is that people enjoy the things I make, and appreciate their beauty, that my wife is content, our union is joyful, and my children are happy.  These are the things that really matter."

The Baal Shem Tov looked at him a little funny, and then said, "Yes, that's what God is always telling me too!" and then he winked at the man, spun about in a little circle, and danced off laughing to himself.


The End.

Balloon Breathing

You know how, when you first blow up a balloon, you stretch it out a couple of times first?  This exercise stretches out your "energy body" (or whatever you call it).  It's very good for when you feel tired or dejected, or as prep for other work.

Get comfortable and close your eyes.  I do is sitting down, because I sometimes get a little dizzy when I do it, but you can stand up or lie down or whatever.  Take a deep breath in making your spine very straight.  Feel your whole body fill up like a balloon; your stomach should be very round.  Breathe in and in and in until you're entirely full of air.  You'll be amazed how much more air your lungs will hold than you usually put in them.  Hold the air in for just a moment more than is comfortable, and then exhale.  Exhale as much as you can, deflating your whole body like a balloon.  Your shoulders relax and your head might dop a little.  Keep your lungs empty for just a moment, and then repeat.  

Once you've gotten a steady slow rhythm, imagine that not just your belly, but your entire body filling up, getting bigger and bigger with every inhale, and smaller and smaller with every exhale.  The goal is to shrink to a single point (like a black hole) on exhale and become infinite (bigger than the universe) on inhale, but it’s ok to just get “very small” and “very big”.  

Once you’ve gotten the hang of that (which takes quite a while), with each full-hold name yourself “Ein Sofit” (which is Hebrew for Infinity) and each time you hold-empty name yourself “Ein” (which means Nothingness).  Or, you can just name yourself in English if you don’t want to use the Hebrew.

Whenever you’re done, start taking smaller, more usual breaths, and return slowly to your regular size by naming yourself with your regular name as you breathe.