Totem Animal

I've been doing some pathworking lately, indirectly inspired by Jason Miller's AMAZING Sorcery classes. I can't recommend them highly enough.  He and I are paradigmatically more similar that I would have expected, and nearly every lesson has great things to say (Although his technical skill as an explainer is not so great).  If you sign up for lessons, tell him I sent you.  In a later blog-post, I'll tell you about my new work in the "horizon realm" of Solomon's Temple.

Last night, I went looking for an animal spirit guide.  Now, those of you who know me know that this is a thing I do every five years or so with weird results.  This time, like most other times, I was at the place where "the next animal you see come down the path will be your spirit guide" and when the door opened, it was a human.  Again.  Historically, I've just chalked this up as a failure (or a joke).  I've grown a lot as a spirit magician in the laste several years, so I thought I would try to examine it further.  I asked for the spirit to appear to me in my dreams and went to sleep.  I'm a big fan of oneiromancy.  The spirit appeared again, looking not unlike Christ, which would have been troubling to me if I were awake.  Is Jesus my spirit guide?  My yiddishe mama might have something to say about that!  Strangely, it also looked kind of like my boss.  This is relevant because I had a dream about my boss the night before, from which I awoke suffused with a feeling of love (not erotic love...chesed love), which was very weird, but makes more sense now.

I asked it for its name, and it said Adam Kadmon, and resolved into being the referent of the illustration at the left (which I've seen many times).   This is an illustration of the tree of life superimposed upon a human.  The human's, and the illustration's, name is Adam Kadmon, which means "Original Man".  It's the Platonic form of "human", created in G-d's image. Anyhow, immediately after giving me the name, I woke up.  That was about 5 this morning.  (My alarm goes off at 6, so that's not as early as it sounds to people who aren't teachers)

I decided to use the extra hour to meditate.  Other than confirming the name, I didn't really get any clarity.  I am thinking about trying to visit Tipheret (the sphere of supernal beauty where Adam's heart is) to see if that explains anything.  Thank G-d it's Shabbat!  ;)

More updates tomorrow if I have anything to report.  I'd very much appreciate insights on this; especially from people with spirit-animal experience.

Aleph and Tranfinite Arithmetic

Aleph is the first Hebrew letter.  By way of the Phoenician aleph, it is associated with the Greek alpha, and from there to the Latin/English A. It corresponds closely to the Arabic letter alif.  It is said to mean "ox".  It's associated with the tarot card The Fool, and traces the path from Keter to Chockmah.

It is difficult to describe the sound it makes.  Open your mouth, begin to say the word "all", but stop before you actually say anything.  Or, say "uh-oh" (as if something bad happened).  Aleph is the sound between the two syllables.

As expected, it is associated with the number 1.  Aleph begins the word El, which means God, as well as the words Ehyeh (I am), Emet (truth), and Achad (One/Unity). Aleph is very closely associated with the element of air, most especially with breath.

Examine the way the aleph to the left is drawn.  See that there are two mirror-image pieces(1) in the upper right and lower left, separated by a line?  This represents how G-d is both immanent (manifest in creation) and transcendent (beyond creation).  It can also be seen as a telling of how the created world is a reflection of the creator and vice versa (as above, so below).

There is a story told, that when G-d created the universe, he assembled all the letters and asked who should be used to begin Torah.  The aleph demurred modestly, and so was given the honor of beginning the Ten Commandments.  (I'll tell more of the story later...it's really a story about beth.)

I associate the aleph with the opening chapter of the Dao de Ching: "The way you think you know is not the Way.   The name which can be said is not The Name.  The Aleph is the beginning of Creation, but by naming are the myriad things created."

For me, aleph represents the notion of infinite creation seen as a single unified thing.  This links it intimately with the Shema:
"Shema Yisroel, Adonai Eloheinu, Adonai Echad"
"Hear, Israel, G-d is Our God, G-d is One."
"Listen, Israel:  G-d is both our patron god (2), and also the Ineffable One."

When I meditate on aleph, I do so mathematically.  In mathematics, the aleph stands for the set of all the transfinite cardinalities. That is, it is the set which contains all the different sizes of infinity.

Each different size of infinity has an aleph in its name.  For example, the size of the counting numbers is aleph-0.  (said "aleph-naught")  Anything which is this size is said the be "countable".  Things of this size can be listed, although the list goes on forever.

To understand this size of infinity, imagine a hotel with an infinite number of rooms, but which is entirely occupied.  If a new guest arrives, can the clerk find her a room?  Yes, but it is tricky.  The clerk makes an announcement, that each guest must pack up and move into the room to their right.  For example, the guest in room 1, must move to room 2, the guest in room 2362 must move to room 2363, and so on.  In this way, room one will be available.

Another size of infinity is the number of points on a line.  This is much larger than the number of counting numbers (aleph-0). 

UPDATE: There's a new, better explanation of this here: http://traifbanquet.blogspot.com/2015/03/on-infinite.html

There are many ways to prove this, but the easiest is by contradiction.   First, we will start with a line segment 1 unit long.  It should be clear that the number of points on this segment must be less than or equal to the number of points on a whole line, which extends infinitely in each direction. (In fact, they contain the same number of points.)  With each point on our unit segment, we can associate a real number between 0 and 1.  For example, the point 1/2 of the way along the segment we denote by 0.50000000000000...  The number a third of the way along is point 0.33333333...

Now, if there are the same number of points on our segment as there are counting numbers, we should be able to match them up one-to-one.  That is, we should be able to write a list of the points' numbers.  I will show that it is impossible to have such a list by showing that, no matter how the list is ordered, there will always be at least one number between 0 and 1 which isn't on the list.  Let's say our list looks like this:

1: 0.03426...
2: 0.31964...
3: 0.48612...
4: 0.12694...
5: 0.00971...
...

Now, I will construct my number by first highlighting the diagonal along my list.  That is, I pick out the first digit of the first number, the second digit of the second number, etc.  In our example, this number begins: 0.01691...

Now, I will construct a number number by adding one to each digit.  In order to keep things circular, let 9+1=0.  In our example, this new number begins: 0.12702...

I claim that this number does not appear ANYWHERE on the original list.  This is how I know:  In order for two numbers to be the same they have to match in every decimal place.  That is to say, if two numbers differ in even a single place, they are not the same number.  The last number we constructed differs in at least one place from every other number on the list.  Its first digit is different from the first digit of the 1st number; its second digit is different from the second digit of the second number; its thousandth digit is different from the thousandth digit of the thousandth number; and so forth.  So, we know that there is a number which isn't on our list.  Since this would have worked for any list, we conclude that there are just too many points along a line to list (even an infinite list), and so the number of points on a line must be BIGGER than the number of counting numbers.

While I will not prove it here, in fact the number of points on a line is exactly equal to 2 to the aleph-0 power.  (Where, recall, aleph-0 is the size of the counting numbers.)

FOOTNOTES:

(1) These pieces are actually the letter yod.  I'll talk about that more when I get to yod.
(2) Like Athena for the Athenians.

Shabbat Shul Shopping

It's the first sabbath of the school year tonight.  Because I've lived my whole life on a school calendar, either as a teacher or a student, for me, new years really do start in the fall.  I'm sort of missing having a "spiritual community" to worship with.  I LOVED my community in Pittsburgh (the Pillar of Smoke...email me and I'll send you details), but I haven't really been able to find anything in CT yet.  I went to Romemu (a very progressive Renewal neo-chassidic shul in Manhattan, which was ok) a couple of times last year, but now that I moved to New Haven, that's just too far (and it was a little too mega-church for me).

I asked my boss (who, since he's the headmaster of a Jewish school, pretty much knows all the local congregations), and he says there's not any particularly progressive shul; they're all "fairly run of the mill".   I'd really like to start a thing here, but I don't think there's enough interest.  Sigh.  So, short story is, if you know anyone near New Haven CT (maybe at Yale?) who might be interested in heretical Judaism, tell them to email me!


About my school:  I'm the head of math at the Jewish High School of CT, which is a really progressive, pluralistic high school in New Haven CT.  I was worried about taking a job at a religious school (being, as I am, a Satanist), but I'm happy I did.  There were some growing pains last year, but it's a great school.  We've got hard-core academics, and really walk the walk when it comes to pluralism...I mean, I hear the math teacher is a bisexual, pink-haired heretic and a sorceress! :)

Idolatry in my heart

This post was inspired by this lovely and thoughtful one on animism:

http://intothemound.blogspot.com/2012/09/worshipping-not-god.html


Although the writer there and I agree on almost every detail, he thinks of himself as a polytheist, and I think of myself as a hard-monotheist. Why?


"There is no theological reason to make a distinction of kind between the honor we pay to the Gods that that we pay to the Landwights or the Dead. In fact there is no clear boundary between those poetic categories. One tribe’s ancestor may be another’s more distant god, etc."


I couldn't possibly agree more. For me, it's not the type of entity that determines whether or not a specific act is idolatrous. Rather, it's your relationship to the object of worship. Do you surrender yourself to it, let it's will supplant your own? If it asked you to kill your son on the altar in the high places, would you? That's what worship means, and I think it's always wrong. Anything you can possibly avoid worshiping is unworthy of your worship.


I've had the experience of being in a presence so overwhelming divine that I had no choice but to worship. It is clear to me, in those times, that the thing...although I'm hesitant to even describe it as a noun, but I don't know how else to construct this sentence...


I'm confident that divinity at that level is all one, interconnected, transcendent thing, and that's why I'm a monotheist. I can't worship anything but that.


On the other hand, I'm happy to honor, respect, bargain with, and have all sorts of intercourse with all kinds of other spirits, angels, daimons, gods, whatever we want to call them. But my worship is reserved for that eternal One, Who moment by moment names the universe into being.

Four Worlds Meditation

This simple meditation is a good prelude to other work.  Energetically, it's similar to the Middle Pillar ritual. You should NOT do this meditation until you've made sure you understand which world is which and read through the meditation a few times.  This wikipedia article has the basics.  While it's not exactly dangerous, forgetting a name in the middle could be disconcerting and uncomfortable; the metaphysical equivalent of the bends.

Close your eyes and take several deep breaths.  Imagine a door called Asiyah.  I imagine it like a swinging saloon door in a cowboy movie.  Take a deep breath, and with your exhalation, throw open the gates and pass through.  When you do so, your physical body dissolves, leaving just your "body of light".  Take some deep breaths, and give yourself time to adjust.

The next door is called Yetzirah.  Take a deep breath, and with your exhalation, throw open the gate and pass through.  Your "body-of-light" dissolves, and all that's left is your name--your essential you-ness.  Again, breath for a while and let yourself aclimate.

The next door is called Beriah.  Take a deep breath, and with your exhalation, throw open the gate and pass through.  Your self is dissolving, but don't worry; it will wait for you on the other side of the door.  What's left is just the idea of person-ness.  At this point, you're not really directing the action anymore, because you don't entirely have a distinct will.  Just breath into it for a while.

The next door is called Atziluth.  Take a deep breath, and with your exhalation, throw open the gate and pass through.  Even the idea of being a person will dissolve, and you will be coextensive with the universe; both in time and space.  This can be terrifying and disorienting.  If you need to, remind yourself that all of your youness is still there, surrounding you; you're still inside your body, you've just contracted yourself down to your inner core. 

Whenever you're ready, take some deep breaths and with an inhalation pass back through the door to Beriah.  Your person-ness should be there waiting for you to re-inhabit it.  I imagine it like putting on a robe.  It should feel comfortable and familiar.  Wait until you're settled into it, and then...

Take some deep breaths, and with an inhalation pass back through the door to Yetzirah.  Your name should be there waiting for you to re-inhabit it.  This should be a very joyous reunion, like in a movie when lovers run across a field of flowers to embrace.  When you've completely merged with yourself....

Take some deep breaths, and with an inhalation, pass through the door back to Asiyah.  Your idea of yourself should be there waiting for you to re-inhabit it.  This should be a very easy integration.  For me, it just sort of collects around me like electrical charge.  When you're ready....

Take some deep breaths, and with an inhalation, pass back into the physical world.  Your body is right where it always was.  You never actually left it.  For me, this entry can be a little uncomfortable.  I'm often stiff and sore from sitting so long, and I sometimes feel a little claustrophobic.  I think that's probably because my relationship with my body isn't entirely healthy.  Your re-entry should probably be easier.  You will probably find that significantly more time than expected has passed.

Avot v'Imahot

Blessed are You Adonai, our G-d, who showered our ancestors with blessings in days gone by.
Bless us now, Adonai, as you did for our fathers.
Bless us by the merit of Abraham, who abandoned the faith of his fathers.
Bless us by the merit of Isaac, who loved one above another.
Bless us by the merit of Jacob, who wrestled with El.
Bless us now, Adonai, as you did for our mothers.
Bless us by the merit of Rachael, who stole her father’s idols.
Bless us by the merit of Leah, who took her sister's place.
Bless us by the merit of Rebekah, who set brother against brother.
Bless us by the merit of Sarah, who laughed at You,
and laughed, and laughed, and laughed.
As I do.

"Chosen People"

A revelation which occurred to me in a dream: 

You've often heard me say that Jews have some measure of protection against backlash from stupid magic, but it's hard to explain why. Sometimes I've said that it's not that G-d plays favorites. It's that the gods plays favorites. Now, that's not very clear, but in the dream,  I learned a metaphor/parable: 

Imagine your dad is the police commissioner. Not just any police commissioner, but an endlessly compassionate, wholly just, incorruptible police commissioner. Now, imagine you commit a crime. If your Dad finds out you're a serial killer, he will be devastated, but he'll do what's right, and you're going to the chair. However, if some beat-cop catches you smoking pot, he's probably going to think twice about being the one to arrest the police commissioner's daughter.