Monday, June 24, 2013

Cold Water

I went to the beach again today, this time at West Haven.  It was hazy and much cooler than yesterday, but not at all windy.  Not ideal beach weather, but still nice.  The weather, along with the weekday, made it almost completely deserted.  I sat and meditated for some time, but I had a lot of trouble focusing.  After much mind wandering, I finally settled in.  I'm not sure how long I was not thinking about things.  I circulated the microcosmic orbit, like I've been doing.  I did not notice being warm today, probably because the sun was overcast.  I went into the water, which was quite cold.  I didn't call Kuvoah, because I don't have an answer for him yet about the thing he wants me to do.  I'm pretty sure he was there, though.  But he didn't "make contact" either.  Instead, I just soaked in the elemental water.  Invoking cold water is very different than invoking refreshingly cool water.  It felt very still, not dead exactly, but just very unmoving.  I decided to go with it.  I stilled myself as much as I could, just floating, trying not to be, imagining the deepest void.  I toyed with the idea of just giving up everything, just letting go of my whole life, and drifting in the currents, going wherever I'm taken.  This idea was not entirely without appeal.  I didn't feel like I could act; not as if I was constrained.... I just didn't feel like a creature that had volition.  I don't know how long I floated there.  After a long time, I had a vision.  An honest to god, seeing things vision, which I almost never have.  It was a giant golden bird of prey who glowed like the sun, who changed into an angel, and told me that was enough of the water, that I should get out and go home.  I suddenly realized how cold I was.  I got out of the water, gathered up my stuff, and got in the car with the heat on.  I shivered for a long time before I was ready to drive home.  I passed a large park on my way home.  While I sat at the red light, a big hawk flew by.

I took a very hot shower when I got home, and ate some soup.  The end.

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