- I'm worried about the health of someone I care for very much. I'm hoping to be able to lend strength where needed. I've never been very good at healing, but that's my new thing: doing things I'm bad at until I get better at them.
- I'd like to work on my own health some. As of right now, I'm perfectly healthy (even the doctor says so), but sooner or later a lifetime a morbid obesity is going to catch up with me, so I ought to probably head it off before it gets here.
- I'd like to get more in touch with the local magical "eco-system". I've had a lot of trouble "settling in" to CT, but I'm feeling a little adrift since my parents' death. I think I'd like to set down some roots, build relationships with the local spirits, find a local magical community, etc.
- After my parents' death, I was very angry with G-d. I know that sounds so cliche; I hate to hear myself say it, but it's true. It's not a good place to work magic from. Nature has always been my path back to the Divine, so there's that.
Finally, though, I just want to get back in touch with Water as a primordial Force. When I was young, I was very much a child of the water. After I went mad, I swore it off, and I've been working with spirits of the air for many years. I love the intellect, don't get me wrong. I've found great joy in the life of the mind, and I've no intention of leaving the service of Thoth-Hermes, thrice great. He's been very good to me. He's never once demanded anything from me that I'm not happy to give. I've been consistently happy and successful in his employ. I do work I love, initiating shining young geniuses into the his mysteries, opening the gates of the infinite to them, and hopefully opening them to the same joy in learning I've found. He pays reasonably well for it, and he's never turned me down when I asked for something I needed. I still take petitions to him every Wednesday, and I expect to keep doing so for the foreseeable future.
Oh how I miss the Water though; the cool embrace of the river, the soft kiss of the rain, the cutting bite of the hurricane, the pounding surf, and the roiling waves, the wine and the blood and the sex.
I went through the worst thing I could have imagined, and I came back out the other side sane, functional, with my wits and my spirit intact. I think I'm ready to dive back into the maelstrom, this time setting my own course through her currents. I'm sure that's what all the crazies say, though, so I suppose we'll just have to see.