4 men, 4 trials, 4 initiations (maybe elemental?)
the first, I don't remember. something about pain, I think. maybe emotional pain (grief)
the second, something about time travel. Waves of deja vu, sliding back and forth between time lines. I awoke from this, and, although it seemed I'd been asleep all night, it was only 11:30. I went back to sleep.
Some stuff I don't remember.
much traveling.
Note: in the dream "cousin" was code for faerie. I don't know how I knew that.
met some british cousin of my father's, a mid 30s tall blond woman (why had I never heard of this person? "My father had a difficult relationship with his father." I was told) she ran a movie business (I think a chain of theaters, not movie production). She was The Mistress of the Movies.
out with the aunts. No place to sleep. A cousin I didn't know. British. Black. Male. Short dreds. Slightly younger than me (late 20s?) Smoking a bowl. Offered me some, I partook. I had to go, to be tested?
I came back later, and all were asleep. I was very cold (it was very cold last night, and I had probably kicked the covers off. All were asleep on the floor. I found a loose corner of blanket near the black cousin, and curled up next to him to sleep.
He woke me up, and said we had to go. He transported us to England, somehow.
the third trial, the trial of pleasure. I was very scared of this trial.
there were 2 men, both british, both "ageless", the black guys, and another, blond, and maybe older. I don't remember him as well. I think he was Oberon. A shallow dish of water; swirling two ways at once, an inner vortex going clockwise, an outer ring counter (or maybe the other way round)
leaning to the dish, wetting my lips
making a circuit, kissed both men. something was happening, swirling, swaying, the world got all fuzzy, I knew I was supposed to just relax, let it happen, not have to understand, but I couldn't just Be, couldn't give in to the good feeling. I was so scared. Then I woke up, so I guess I failed that test, but it seemed like I'd be given another chance.
Friday, October 25, 2013
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Vermont Quarter: Sweetening Spell
The Vermont quarter depicts a man tapping maple trees for syrup. In the background of the coin is Camel Hump Mountain. In today's spell, we use the coin to create a permanent amulet from an otherwise traditional hoodoo-style sweetening spell. Although these first two spells are built on hoodoo foundations, I'll have lots of other styles in future posts. Look for a Celtic-style Oak Tree Protection spell tomorrow using the Connecticut quarter.
Sweetening spells, in general, are used to make someone feel favorably toward you and want to help you. This "good feeling" isn't necessarily (or even usually) romantic in nature; it's a good spell to work on a boss, a parent, or a as well. It's also good to mend hurt feelings in existing relationships with family, friends, or lovers. The version I'm presenting here is all-purpose; you should have no trouble adapting it to your specific situation.
In addition to the quarter, this spell uses maple syrup, a small candle (menorah candles are perfect, but even a birthday candle will work), and a picture of the intended target. If you have their hair, a business card, their signature, or any other kind of "link" to them, that's great, but not necessary. You'll also need some paper, scissors, a pen or marker, and small saucer or bowl.
To begin with, cut out a circle slightly smaller than the saucer or bowl you are using. Next, write your target's full name three times in the middle of the circle. Turn the paper so that their name is upside down, and write your full name over top of the target's three times. Now, around the edge of the circle, write your exact wish. For example, if you want your boss to be impressed by you, you might write: "[boss's name] will be impressed by the quality of my work and give me a promotion and a raise." You need to write it in script without picking your hand up. If there is extra space, complete the circle before lifting your hand. It's really important the script make a complete circle. If you mess up, throw it out and start over. After completing the circle, you can go back to cross t's and etc.
Put the circle of paper, writing side up, in the saucer. If you have hair or etc, put it on the circle of paper. Next, put the picture of the person on top of that. If you don't have a picture, then get better at facebook stalking. Pour a small pool of maple syrup on top, and then put the coin, tree side up, in the center. Light the candle and drip a few drops of melted wax onto the coin. Use that to stick the candle to the coin. Tell your wish to the candle three times, out loud, and then wait for the candle to burn out. It's best to pray over it the whole time, but if you can't, you can't (menorah candles burn for about an hour).
Once the candle is burned out, remove the candle and put the coin in your mouth, with the syrupy side down. With it in your mouth, say (as well as you can around the coin) "As the coin has been made sweet to me, may I be sweet to NAME." Finally, contrive to give the coin to the target. If that is not possible, leave it in their office, or somewhere else associated with them. This is one big advantage of coin magic; no one is suspicious of loose change!
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Coin Magic
I'm writing a book about coins as materia magica. Here's some rough draft notes; expect many state quarter spells over the next month or two. All feedback greatly appreciated!
Why use coins? They’re very cheap, readily available, small metal tokens with beautiful pictures on them. What could make a better talisman? Coins have a long history of being used as amulets and spell components, particularly in hoodoo. Of US coins, the so-called “Mercury dime” (which actually depicts “winged Liberty”) and the Indian Head penny have the most storied use, but neither one is still in circulation. Particularly with the issuing of the “state quarters” beginning in 1999, there are a wide variety of beautiful US coins in current circulation, many of which make great talismans and spell components.
How do I use the coins?
There are lots of ways to use coins after they’ve been “blessed”. The easiest way is to just carry it in your pocket, as a “lucky coin”. You can also drill a hole in it and wear it as a necklace. You can put them in mojo bags or put them on an altar.
You can also give them to other people to “target” them with your magic. Slipping someone magical material in order to “activate” a spell is a traditional technique called “laying a trick”. Getting someone to put a quarter in their pocket is somewhat easier than slipping most magical talismans onto their person, and no one is suspicious if they find some pennies under their bed. For an example of this kind of use, see the Mississippi magnolia fidelity spell below.
How do I prepare coins for magical use?
In the posts that follow, I’ll give specific recommendations for using regular pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and dollar coins, as well as for many of the state quarters. In the appendix are some “recipes” that use easy to find old and foreign coins. However, you can use the following method to turn any coin (or other small token) into a talisman.
However, before you enchant a coin, you'll want to clean the coin to remove any “residue” it’s picked up. We're using coins because small metal objects are particularly prone to picking up and holding “magical energy”. The downside of this is that coins are often already "dirty" just from being handled by so many people. To clean them, soak them in salt water overnight.
Mississippi Magnolia "Stay True" spell:
This spell uses the 2002 Mississippi quarter, on which magnolia blossoms are pictured. In traditional hoodoo, magnolia leaves are placed under the mattress to ensure marital fidelity. This spell builds on that tradition. It will help to keep a romantic relationship healthy, equitable, loving, and trusting.
Take your cleaned quarter and hold in in your hand. If you wear a wedding ring, tap the quarter on the ring audibly, so that the magic of the ring will help to infuse the coin. Feel your love for your partner well up in your heart, and then "push" that feeling into the coin. Next, feel your trust for your partner. Even if you don't trust them now, you must have at one point. Remember what that felt like, and push it into the coin.
Next, hold the coin up to your lips, and whisper this to it:
"Set me as a seal upon your heart,
as a seal upon your arm;
for love is as strong as death,
jealousy as unyielding as Sheol.
It's flames are flashes of fire,
the flames of Aish HaShem.
Many waters cannot quench love,
neither can the floods drown it."
(Song of Songs, 8:6-7)
If you're uncomfortable with using a bible passage, find or write another short passage about love that speaks to you. One from a text you consider sacred is best.
Kiss the coin, and place it under the bed you and your partner share. If you do not share a bed, contrive to plant the coin under your partner's bed. If you don't have access to their bed, this isn't the right spell. Tomorrow, I'll show you a "sweetening" spell with a Vermont state quarter that might work better.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Ask the Witch: Love Spells
Sometimes friends/acquaintances who aren't magicians ask me for magic advice. Think of this as a magical advice column. :)
A friend asks (edited for length and privacy), "Sara, Is there such thing as a love spell? How does it work? What is the efficacy of such a spell? How do I do it?"
First off, a disclaimer. I really don't recommend love spells. They often go badly. If for no other reason, it's too easy to wonder "Does she really love me, or is it all just the spell?' That being said, here's some general information.
I'm going to talk about a couple of different kinds of love spells, but I'm only going to teach you how to do one of them. I don't mean to imply these are the only kinds.
The first is the "classic" love spell. It's targeted on a particular person, and designed to make them fall in love with you, "against their will". I really think these are unethical (except in a few particular circumstances, which I'll talk about it a minute.) Even if your ethics are different, I'm telling you that in my experience (and the experience of everyone I know), they go badly. Really badly. I'm not going to teach you how to do this, but I'm sure google will, if you really want to. I don't think you should, but I'm not in charge of you.
The only case where I think it's ok to do a "targeted" love spell is when the target is someone to whom you're married. They've already consented to be ritually bound to you. This is also a fairly classical form of love spell, and there are lots of good options. Here's an example: Take a piece of your hair and thread it through a needle. Take a stitch through his (her) underpants, and tie a knot. Hold the underpants in your hand, and try to feel your love for him, his love for you, the ties that bind you together, well up in your heart. Pray, out loud, that the sacred covenant between you be renewed and strengthened, that the love between you continue to blossom, etc, etc. If you'd like something a little more formal, google "honey pot spell". UPDATE: Here's a version of a honey pot spell using Vermont quarter and maple syrup.
Another time I think it's ok to do this sort of spell is one when married couples perform it together. SERIOSULY, this isn't a thing to do with someone you don't want to be married to. Ritually sealing a commitment IS CALLED MARRIAGE. I have a friend who did this kind of work with his high school sweetheart when they were 15. They've spent the 20 years since in a VERY high drama, mutually codependent, on-again-off-again thing, with lots of unpleasantness and cheating. 20 years of a teenage relationship.
Here's how I've recommended to married couples before, with good results: Find a melon. I like honeydew for this (because of the color) but I don't think it really matters. Mangoes are also good. Cut it in half, and hollow it out. Eat the melon with your beloved. While eating, each of you should, independently, savor the sweetness of the melon and write a list of 7 things about the other person that made you fall in love with them. Fold it up, and hand it to the other person (who SHOULD NOT read it). Burn each list over a red or pink candle, saving the ashes. Carve both of your names or initials into the inside of the melon, and also carve a depression to hold a candle. Put the candle in the "candle holder", and then take the melon to a body of water (the ocean is ideal), light the candle, and leave the melon offering on the beach. You can add other things to the melon; spices if your relationship needs "a little spice", honey for sweetening, etc, etc.
The next kind of love spell, which is what I generally recommend, isn't really a love spell at all, it's a drawing spell, designed to bring you into contact with the right person. If you arleady know them, it will gnereally just "pount them out" to you in some way, or you might find yourself running into an old acquaintance, or meeting someone new that you have an instant connection with. That's all it does; once they're in "your circle of influence", this spell lets nature take its course (or not, as the case may be).
Spend some time really thinking about what you want in a lover. Make sure to include "logistical" necessities; this REALLY is one of those "careful what you wish for" type deals. I've had these spells work perfectly, bringin me exactly who I asked for, except that I forgot to include something really important on the list...he was married, or lived 3000 miles away, or a junkie, or was too young, or whatever. Think it through, and write your list. It's ok to be super, crazy specific, and don't be embarrassed to include "shallow" things, or even things you're "not supposed" to want. It's even ok to put things that seem to be in comflict with each other. The more specific, the better. Then, set your list aside for a day or two, and read it over again. Make sure it really is what you want. Here's an example list. (Don't you judge me!)
Once you have a list, you'll need a 7 day candle in a clear glass jar. Pink is good, but white is fine if you can't find pink. If you can find a pink rose-scented one, that's even better. Virgin of Guadalupe candles are often pink and rose scented, and can be had in any groery store in a hispanic neighborhood. For this, however, peel the label off; you'll need to write on the candle jar. If it makes you feel weird to pull the label off, buy two, and burn the other for Theotokos, and explain to the her you needed her candle, but didn't mean to desecrate her image. Say a Hail Mary or something.
You'll also need a permenant marker ("magic markers" are probably my favorite magical tool. you can use them to write on ANYTHING.) On a pink candle, a black one is fine, but red, green, or gold would also be great. If you use a white candle, a red or pink marker is probably best. Now, write your list on the candle jar. Be sure to eyeball the length of your list and choose an appropriate size, to make sure it will all fit. If you have extra room, draw some hearts or 7-pointed stars, or Cupid's arrows, or Venus mirrors or other "love spell" looking symbols. After you've written the list on the jar, light it, and then read the Song of Songs chapter 3 to the candle. This is important: don't read the passage AT the candle, read it TO the candle. Treat the candle as if it has a real spirit in it, a personality all it's own, one that loves and cares for you, and wants nothing more than to find you a match. (Level up: dedicate the candle to a spirit whose bailiwick this kind of thing is. Promise more candles, and maybe roses, when it delivers. Make good on your promise when you get what you want.)
If that passage doesn't speak to you, you can pick a different verse about finding love. A text you feel is sacred is best. Sufi poetry works well. It is best to do this spell on a Friday or Monday during the hour of Venus while the moon is waxing, but it doesn't really matter. Read the passage aloud again each night until the candle is gone. In my experience, it takes another week or two for the right person to show up, but it's never taken more than a month for me. Obviously, if you never leave your house it will take longer. Go to a party or a Gnostic Mass or Art Church or something.
A friend asks (edited for length and privacy), "Sara, Is there such thing as a love spell? How does it work? What is the efficacy of such a spell? How do I do it?"
First off, a disclaimer. I really don't recommend love spells. They often go badly. If for no other reason, it's too easy to wonder "Does she really love me, or is it all just the spell?' That being said, here's some general information.
I'm going to talk about a couple of different kinds of love spells, but I'm only going to teach you how to do one of them. I don't mean to imply these are the only kinds.
The first is the "classic" love spell. It's targeted on a particular person, and designed to make them fall in love with you, "against their will". I really think these are unethical (except in a few particular circumstances, which I'll talk about it a minute.) Even if your ethics are different, I'm telling you that in my experience (and the experience of everyone I know), they go badly. Really badly. I'm not going to teach you how to do this, but I'm sure google will, if you really want to. I don't think you should, but I'm not in charge of you.
The only case where I think it's ok to do a "targeted" love spell is when the target is someone to whom you're married. They've already consented to be ritually bound to you. This is also a fairly classical form of love spell, and there are lots of good options. Here's an example: Take a piece of your hair and thread it through a needle. Take a stitch through his (her) underpants, and tie a knot. Hold the underpants in your hand, and try to feel your love for him, his love for you, the ties that bind you together, well up in your heart. Pray, out loud, that the sacred covenant between you be renewed and strengthened, that the love between you continue to blossom, etc, etc. If you'd like something a little more formal, google "honey pot spell". UPDATE: Here's a version of a honey pot spell using Vermont quarter and maple syrup.
Another time I think it's ok to do this sort of spell is one when married couples perform it together. SERIOSULY, this isn't a thing to do with someone you don't want to be married to. Ritually sealing a commitment IS CALLED MARRIAGE. I have a friend who did this kind of work with his high school sweetheart when they were 15. They've spent the 20 years since in a VERY high drama, mutually codependent, on-again-off-again thing, with lots of unpleasantness and cheating. 20 years of a teenage relationship.
Here's how I've recommended to married couples before, with good results: Find a melon. I like honeydew for this (because of the color) but I don't think it really matters. Mangoes are also good. Cut it in half, and hollow it out. Eat the melon with your beloved. While eating, each of you should, independently, savor the sweetness of the melon and write a list of 7 things about the other person that made you fall in love with them. Fold it up, and hand it to the other person (who SHOULD NOT read it). Burn each list over a red or pink candle, saving the ashes. Carve both of your names or initials into the inside of the melon, and also carve a depression to hold a candle. Put the candle in the "candle holder", and then take the melon to a body of water (the ocean is ideal), light the candle, and leave the melon offering on the beach. You can add other things to the melon; spices if your relationship needs "a little spice", honey for sweetening, etc, etc.
The next kind of love spell, which is what I generally recommend, isn't really a love spell at all, it's a drawing spell, designed to bring you into contact with the right person. If you arleady know them, it will gnereally just "pount them out" to you in some way, or you might find yourself running into an old acquaintance, or meeting someone new that you have an instant connection with. That's all it does; once they're in "your circle of influence", this spell lets nature take its course (or not, as the case may be).
Spend some time really thinking about what you want in a lover. Make sure to include "logistical" necessities; this REALLY is one of those "careful what you wish for" type deals. I've had these spells work perfectly, bringin me exactly who I asked for, except that I forgot to include something really important on the list...he was married, or lived 3000 miles away, or a junkie, or was too young, or whatever. Think it through, and write your list. It's ok to be super, crazy specific, and don't be embarrassed to include "shallow" things, or even things you're "not supposed" to want. It's even ok to put things that seem to be in comflict with each other. The more specific, the better. Then, set your list aside for a day or two, and read it over again. Make sure it really is what you want. Here's an example list. (Don't you judge me!)
Once you have a list, you'll need a 7 day candle in a clear glass jar. Pink is good, but white is fine if you can't find pink. If you can find a pink rose-scented one, that's even better. Virgin of Guadalupe candles are often pink and rose scented, and can be had in any groery store in a hispanic neighborhood. For this, however, peel the label off; you'll need to write on the candle jar. If it makes you feel weird to pull the label off, buy two, and burn the other for Theotokos, and explain to the her you needed her candle, but didn't mean to desecrate her image. Say a Hail Mary or something.
You'll also need a permenant marker ("magic markers" are probably my favorite magical tool. you can use them to write on ANYTHING.) On a pink candle, a black one is fine, but red, green, or gold would also be great. If you use a white candle, a red or pink marker is probably best. Now, write your list on the candle jar. Be sure to eyeball the length of your list and choose an appropriate size, to make sure it will all fit. If you have extra room, draw some hearts or 7-pointed stars, or Cupid's arrows, or Venus mirrors or other "love spell" looking symbols. After you've written the list on the jar, light it, and then read the Song of Songs chapter 3 to the candle. This is important: don't read the passage AT the candle, read it TO the candle. Treat the candle as if it has a real spirit in it, a personality all it's own, one that loves and cares for you, and wants nothing more than to find you a match. (Level up: dedicate the candle to a spirit whose bailiwick this kind of thing is. Promise more candles, and maybe roses, when it delivers. Make good on your promise when you get what you want.)
If that passage doesn't speak to you, you can pick a different verse about finding love. A text you feel is sacred is best. Sufi poetry works well. It is best to do this spell on a Friday or Monday during the hour of Venus while the moon is waxing, but it doesn't really matter. Read the passage aloud again each night until the candle is gone. In my experience, it takes another week or two for the right person to show up, but it's never taken more than a month for me. Obviously, if you never leave your house it will take longer. Go to a party or a Gnostic Mass or Art Church or something.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Root Souls, Reinventing the Wheel
When I was about 13, I discovered Wicca. A few months later, I became disenchanted, and felt a little betrayed, when I found out that all that "ancient pre-christian pagan religion" stuff was nonsense, and it was just some stuff some people made up. Then, I had a revelation...it was just some stuff some people made up, and they hadn't even done a very good job, but it TOTALLY WORKED! (I guess that's when I became a chaos magician) So, I made up my own religion, which I liked much better than Wicca. There was math, and infinity, and a weird sort of polytheist/monotheist/
When I was 18 and a freshman at Caltech, I read a book called "Etz Chaim" (the tree of life) and found out that the ARI had already made up my religion! It was a very exciting thing for me, to have my "unverified personal gnosis" "verified" like that.
Recently, I've been making up a new system, which is based in the idea that, just like our ruach (ego-soul) has ancestors, our neshema (big S soul) does too, and they're not necessarily the same ones. These are sort of like past lives, and those soul-family trees go back to a "root soul", the god (or gods) from which you're descended. Those root-souls (gods) use human generations to breed; the gods reproduce sexually through humans, so there's also a god that you're turning into. A new, strange, alien god.
Last night, I started reading (parts of) a book called Sha'ar HaGiligulim (the gate of reincarnation) by the same student of Luria, and it turns out he totally invented this theory too! EXCITING!!!!!
When I was 18 and a freshman at Caltech, I read a book called "Etz Chaim" (the tree of life) and found out that the ARI had already made up my religion! It was a very exciting thing for me, to have my "unverified personal gnosis" "verified" like that.
Recently, I've been making up a new system, which is based in the idea that, just like our ruach (ego-soul) has ancestors, our neshema (big S soul) does too, and they're not necessarily the same ones. These are sort of like past lives, and those soul-family trees go back to a "root soul", the god (or gods) from which you're descended. Those root-souls (gods) use human generations to breed; the gods reproduce sexually through humans, so there's also a god that you're turning into. A new, strange, alien god.
Last night, I started reading (parts of) a book called Sha'ar HaGiligulim (the gate of reincarnation) by the same student of Luria, and it turns out he totally invented this theory too! EXCITING!!!!!
Friday, October 4, 2013
Meditation Quick Start Guide
Last weekend, I was hanging out with family, and my cousin said she'd been under a lot of stress. I recommended meditation, and she asked for instructions. These instructions are for her, and anyone else who doesn't know anything at all about meditation. I'm not a very experienced meditator, and I don't even claim that I really know what I'm doing, so take all of this advice (as you should anyone's advice about anything, really) with many grains of salt. If you already know how to meditate, this post is unlikely to have anything of value for you (but feel free to read it anyway). Moreover, I don't really know what I'm doing; I'm hardly an expert at this! I really like this website for more detailed intstructions. UPDATE: that website is down, but here is a mirror of it.
There are many, many kinds of meditation. I mostly do a kind called "vipassana" or "insight meditation". I do some other things that are called meditation, but aren't exactly the same kind of "quiet the mind" meditation. For example, I've recently been doing something called "metta (compassion) meditation", which I also recommend, but it hasn't (yet) been shown to have the same kind of psychological and physiological benefits as "regular" meditation. When I was about 16, I read a short book called The Way of the Pilgrim, about a Russian monk learning to "pray ceaselessly". While (especially then) it was too Christian for me, it teaches a really effective form of meditation, which, it turns out, is VERY similar to the methods advocated by Abraham Abulafia. I'd strongly recommend it to Christians, but it's good for anyone who can choke down the Jesus. You can read it here (or in Russian).
So, here's how I meditate: First, find somewhere comfortable to sit. I meditate sitting straight-backed in a regular chair (because of my bad hip) but most people recommend sitting cross-legged. Set a timer on to ding twice, once after 5 minutes, and again after 15 more. If you're somewhere noisy, use headphones and white noise. Stretch a little bit, and make sure you're comfortable, then start the timer.
For the first five minutes, don't meditate, rather just let your mind wander. I find this helps to "shake out" whatever is rattling around in there. During this time, breathe deeply, in through your nose and out through your mouth, with a noticeably pause in between each. In, hold, out, hold, in...
After the first "ding", begin to focus on your breathing. While breathing in, focus on the feeling of your chest and abdomen expanding, filling with air. While breathing out, focus on the feeling of them falling back in. I find it helpful to think the word "expanding" while breathing in and the word "contracting" when breathing out.
Try it right now: Take a deep breath in, while thinking only the word "expanding", wait a moment, and then breathe out, thinking only "contracting". Imagine you are a spirit, and have only recently come to be in this body. This is your first breath. Really pay attention to it, experience what it feels like to breath as if it is new. That's all there is to it. Do that, over and over. As you get better and better at staying focused, be sure you're focusing on the actual expansion and contraction of your body, and not the label.
If you notice yourself thinking something else, just calmly return to thinking about your breath. You just succeeded at meditation! The goal (at least in the beginning) isn't to not get distracted. The goal is to NOTICE that you're distracted. But, what if you can't "just calmly return to your breathing"? What if you're really distracted, or the distraction makes you want things or fear things, or feel sad or angry or whatever?
When that happens (and it probably will), label the thought with a single-word description of what you are doing: "itching", "hurting", "worrying", etc. You don't need to be precise (in fact, it might be better not to be). You can just think "knowing" or "feeling" or such. If the desire to scratch (or move, or whatever) is strong, you might think "wanting".
If you're having an emotional thought, which I find to be the hardest to let go of, remember that the goal is not to suppress or eliminate thoughts, it to let them pass through you without disturbing you. At first, you're like solid object; when a thought tries to pass through you, it hits you, and can hurt. Then, you become liquid; the thoughts pass through, but they leave ripples. Finally, you become completely ephemeral; the thoughts pass through you without any effect at all; they can't "get their hooks into you".
If you have a severe itch or pain or a strong emotion, I find it helpful to focus my complete attention on that. Does your hip hurt? Really focus on the pain, experiencing it fully. Think the word "hurting" with all of your mind, and you will find the pain start to melt away. Are you sad? Think the word "grieving" until that too melts away. When the pain (or whatever) has melted away, return to thinking only about your breath. Ideally, you want to get to the point where there is no distinction between "good" and "bad" thoughts or feelings, no distinction between thinking and feeling, where you are just "being". However, that takes practice.
The point is to focus, exclusively and completely, on one thing. For now, it's not so important what that thing is, but your breath is the best option.
There are many, many kinds of meditation. I mostly do a kind called "vipassana" or "insight meditation". I do some other things that are called meditation, but aren't exactly the same kind of "quiet the mind" meditation. For example, I've recently been doing something called "metta (compassion) meditation", which I also recommend, but it hasn't (yet) been shown to have the same kind of psychological and physiological benefits as "regular" meditation. When I was about 16, I read a short book called The Way of the Pilgrim, about a Russian monk learning to "pray ceaselessly". While (especially then) it was too Christian for me, it teaches a really effective form of meditation, which, it turns out, is VERY similar to the methods advocated by Abraham Abulafia. I'd strongly recommend it to Christians, but it's good for anyone who can choke down the Jesus. You can read it here (or in Russian).
So, here's how I meditate: First, find somewhere comfortable to sit. I meditate sitting straight-backed in a regular chair (because of my bad hip) but most people recommend sitting cross-legged. Set a timer on to ding twice, once after 5 minutes, and again after 15 more. If you're somewhere noisy, use headphones and white noise. Stretch a little bit, and make sure you're comfortable, then start the timer.
For the first five minutes, don't meditate, rather just let your mind wander. I find this helps to "shake out" whatever is rattling around in there. During this time, breathe deeply, in through your nose and out through your mouth, with a noticeably pause in between each. In, hold, out, hold, in...
After the first "ding", begin to focus on your breathing. While breathing in, focus on the feeling of your chest and abdomen expanding, filling with air. While breathing out, focus on the feeling of them falling back in. I find it helpful to think the word "expanding" while breathing in and the word "contracting" when breathing out.
Try it right now: Take a deep breath in, while thinking only the word "expanding", wait a moment, and then breathe out, thinking only "contracting". Imagine you are a spirit, and have only recently come to be in this body. This is your first breath. Really pay attention to it, experience what it feels like to breath as if it is new. That's all there is to it. Do that, over and over. As you get better and better at staying focused, be sure you're focusing on the actual expansion and contraction of your body, and not the label.
If you notice yourself thinking something else, just calmly return to thinking about your breath. You just succeeded at meditation! The goal (at least in the beginning) isn't to not get distracted. The goal is to NOTICE that you're distracted. But, what if you can't "just calmly return to your breathing"? What if you're really distracted, or the distraction makes you want things or fear things, or feel sad or angry or whatever?
When that happens (and it probably will), label the thought with a single-word description of what you are doing: "itching", "hurting", "worrying", etc. You don't need to be precise (in fact, it might be better not to be). You can just think "knowing" or "feeling" or such. If the desire to scratch (or move, or whatever) is strong, you might think "wanting".
If you're having an emotional thought, which I find to be the hardest to let go of, remember that the goal is not to suppress or eliminate thoughts, it to let them pass through you without disturbing you. At first, you're like solid object; when a thought tries to pass through you, it hits you, and can hurt. Then, you become liquid; the thoughts pass through, but they leave ripples. Finally, you become completely ephemeral; the thoughts pass through you without any effect at all; they can't "get their hooks into you".
If you have a severe itch or pain or a strong emotion, I find it helpful to focus my complete attention on that. Does your hip hurt? Really focus on the pain, experiencing it fully. Think the word "hurting" with all of your mind, and you will find the pain start to melt away. Are you sad? Think the word "grieving" until that too melts away. When the pain (or whatever) has melted away, return to thinking only about your breath. Ideally, you want to get to the point where there is no distinction between "good" and "bad" thoughts or feelings, no distinction between thinking and feeling, where you are just "being". However, that takes practice.
The point is to focus, exclusively and completely, on one thing. For now, it's not so important what that thing is, but your breath is the best option.
How do I keep my hair so pink?
The dye in this picture is about a month old, and has seen chlorine and/or salt water nearly every day of that month. If you don't want to read the complete instructions, the highlights are: Special Effects brand dye. Beach the f**k out of your hair first, don't wash it too often, and use this.
I've been asked this 4 times in the last week how I get and keep my hair so pink, so I thought I'd just write it down. (There's no magic, mysticism, or Judaism in this post...if you don't want pink hair, you might as well skip it. My most recent magical adventures haven't been for public consumption, but I think I'll have something for you this weekend.)
Disclaimers: My hair is short, fine, and light. If your hair is very dark or course, these instructions might not work for you. This method does some damage to hair. Don't bleach the same hair twice, and don't do this to hair that's already damaged. IMPORTANT: if your skin is dark, the bleach will bleach your skin too. Be careful with it! If you're as white as me, you don't need to worry about that.
You will need:
- the cheapest, nastiest, harshest dollar store shampoo you can find.
- the very best, richest, thickest conditioner you can find. (It doesn't have to be expensive. I like this.)
- nice, gentle shampoo for color treated hair. (It doesn't have to be expensive; I like this.)
- bleach powder. There's a brand called "Splat" you can buy at the drug store, but I like this kind, which you can get at a "beauty supply" store, or, often, at larger discount stores in african american neighborhoods. Such a store will have everything on this list, except the actual dye.
- #30 developer; get it wherever you got the bleach powder
- Special Effects Hair Dye. This is hard to find in stores; I buy it online. I've been dying my hair for 20 years, and I've tried pretty much all the brands. This is the best one. If you can't get it, Jerome Russell Punky Colors is also ok. Manic Panic and Jazzy Colors (which is what they use at most salons) are garbage, worse than kool aid (which works surprisingly well if you boil it) I use "atomic pink". Historically, I've also had very good luck with "napalm orange", "cherry bomb" and "virgin rose". My firends swear by "fishbowl (teal)" "limelight (green)" and "bright as f*k yellow". For my short mohawk, I use about a tablespoon of dye, so one bottle lasts me about a year. The "Splat" brand they sell at the drug store is bullshit. It will last forever on your skin and your shower, but not your hair.
- a washcloth you don't mind dying
- a too-big tshirt you've cut the neck off of. Be sure it will go over your head without touching your hair. Or, you can just do all this topless, which is easier.
- a glass bowl or 2 disposable plastic ones. DO NOT use a metal bowl (it reacts with the bleach
- a few plastic spoons
- rubber gloves
- petroleum jelly
- thick moisturizer
- soap for washing up. bar soap works better than liquid
- nail polish (despite all our efforts, your fingernails are probably going to get dye splotches on them; it will fade in a day or two, but this will cover it up)
- dark colored pillow cases. Your hair will rub off on pillow cases for at least a week.
- dark shirts to wear for a few days; freshly dyed hair can slightly stain white collars if it gets rained on, sweaty, etc.
- It's not really necessary, but I really like this to keep hair color bright. It also makes your hair very soft. You can get it at any drug store.
How to dye hair pink (or any other non-natural color):
There are several steps (bleach, wash, dye, rinse, condition).
- Start with dirty hair, the greasier the better. This will help protect your hair, and gives more even results. Open a window if possible. The bleach smells very strong.
- Mix the bleach powder and developer in the bowl. The goal is a paste about the thickness of shampoo. The exact ratio isn't important; if its too drippy, it will get in your eyes, if it's too thick, it is hard to apply. It's better to start with it thicker, and then dilute it with more developer as you go. It will smell very bad. For short hair, I use less than a half a packet of bleach powder. Since you need to tweak the thickness, reserve some bleach powder and some developer from your initial mix.
- Apply the bleach to your hair. Make sure you don't miss any. When you think you're done, pour some developer in the dirty bowl with the dregs bowl, and then use the very thin mix that results to fill in any gaps.
- Wash your hands very well. Clean any drips off your face. Wash the bowl
- Wait. My naturally strawberry blond hair takes about 10 minutes. Just look at your hair from time to time. You're waiting for it to be platinum. If your hair was dyed to start, this will take longer.
- Once your hair is platinum, rinse it very well. Then, pour some conditioner in and wait 5 minutes, and then rinse again. Next, wash it with the cheap shampoo and do not condition.
- Run about 3 inches of water into the sink. That way, if you drip dye in, it won't hit the sink directly. This dye WILL DYE your sink, bathroom floor, etc. If that happens, scrub with this.
- Put petroleum jelly on your hair line, ears, and anywhere else you don't want dye. More is better than not enough. The goal is to make the skin waterproof.
- Put a ton of moisturizer on your hands and arms. (also shoulders, face, neck...anywhere that's exposed and might get dye on it. Again, the goal is to waterproof the skin so errant dye doesn't sink in.
- Put plastic gloves on over the moisturizer. This feels weird, but will keep your hands not pink. Bonus: very soft hands when you're done.)
- Put some dye in the bowl. If you're dying your whole head, you can just squeeze the dye directly onto your head. If the dye is too thick, mix a tiny bit of developer into it. Put dye on your head until all the hair you want to dye is covered. You can poorly colors, which will give "highlights" and "lowlights". I like pink + orange. Use your hands. Try to keep the dye off your face and neck.
- Use some very thinned out mix to patch any spots you missed.
- Pile the dyed hair on top of your head, so it touches your neck as little as possible.
- Use the washcloth to clean up.
- Peel the gloves off, inside out, directly into the trash.
- Wipe off any drips. Wash your hands A LOT. Clean up. Remember to keep the sink full of water, so dye doesn't hit the sink bottom until its diluted with water. Wash the sink.
- Wait until your hair is dry. If you have a lot of hair, you could probably speed this up with a blow dryer.
- When hair is dry, remoisturize all your skin. You should feel noticeable greasy. Don't do your feet; you'll slip in the shower! This will help keep you from dying your skin as you rinse.
- Fill the bathub with a few inches of water. Just like the sink, this will keep you from dying your tub. If you do accidentally dye the tub, fill it with water, pour in a gallon of bleach, let it sit overnight, and then drain and scrub with comet.
- Rinse your hair. A LOT. Rinse until no more dye comes out. Condition. Rinse again until no dye comes out. Wash your hair with nice gentle shampoo. Rinse again. Condition. Leave the conditioner in while you sing (badly) at least 2 full songs. Rinse again.
- ENJOY! Remember: DARK PILLOW CASES!
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